My wife hopes I’ll join her on a cruise someday. The odds are not good.
Why in the world would I ever go on a cruise?
Like most men, I go on a trip only if there’s a ballgame involved.
There’s no stadium on a cruise ship. I’d be bored out of my mind. I’d be incarcerated at sea.
My wife loves everything about oceans and beaches. She’s happy sitting on a beach even without a book.
“I just like being around water,” she says.
When watching an oceanfront TV show, her gaze always shifts toward the water.
On the beach, sitting and looking at the water gives her deep satisfaction. She likes to soak in the rays and forget about everything. She even enjoys the breeze.
People are also reading…
“I like everything about it. It’s therapeutic,” she says.
What gives me satisfaction, meanwhile, is watching a 6-4-3 double play.
I know that I’m not alone. Even famous singers feel the same way. Josh Groban once said, “When I’m on tour, I try to visit as many baseball stadiums as possible.”
You can’t do that when you’re stuck on a boat.
Kenna can have the Caribbean, Bermuda and Turks and Caicos. I’d be happier at a state American Legion baseball tournament. To me, a vacation is worthless unless you take in a sporting event.
I’ve always wondered why my brother-in-law, Larry, goes on cruises with his wife. A Nebraska farmer, Larry doesn’t strike me as a cruise guy.
I called him this week to ask how he endures it.
Going on a cruise, he said, is a good way to get away because cellphones don’t work and internet service costs $15 a minute.
“So you don’t have to deal with work,” he said. Everybody takes care of your food, your room and your entertainment. “You can do as much or as little as you want,” he said.
Dollar for dollar, a cruise probably offers the best return on investment as far as quality of food, room and entertainment, he said.
Larry has been on 15 cruises over the years. “I’m a Diamond Member in Royal Caribbean,” he said.
“For the money you spend, it’s still probably one of the better vacations you can take in my book,” said the Perkins County farmer.
Cruises are relaxing and usually warm.
But by the seventh day, even Larry is ready for it to be over. He’s actually getting tired of cruises. He’s been to the same ports so many times he’s ready for something different.
His wife, though, is happy whenever somebody else is doing the cooking and cleaning.
Kristine’s sister, my wife, is the same way. The thing Kenna likes best about a hotel is the maid service.
I tell Kenna she should have married a farmer. Seed companies pay for trips to Mexico and Hawaii and cruises.
Or she should have just married someone who’s fun.
Other than lying on the beach, Kenna freely admits that she’s happiest indoors. She’s not crazy about wildlife. She’d much rather cool off in a swimming pool than a lake.
Last week, Kenna and I celebrated my birthday at an Omaha Storm Chasers game. I enjoyed the game, but I admit it was a hot day.
According to Kenna, she battled the elements to help me celebrate the day. Kenna, who always checks the weather conditions on her phone, had a tough time of it.
Later, she sent this email to our kids:
“The main thought I had, while suffering 96-degree heat and 59-percent humidity, no breeze, is but one: Without a beach or pool nearby, being outdoors is greatly overrated.”
Jeff Bahr is a reporter for The Independent. He may be reached at (308) 381-9408.
